Category Archives: Uncategorized

Kookaburra Sits in The Old Gum Tree…….


I know this is going to sound crazy, but Australia reminds me of Kansas. Kansas, even though when I was living there seemed quiet and boring, the comfort I felt of home was apparent and I longed for it, in my years in Los Angeles.

Australia is Home. I can see why so many people want to move to this gorgeous country, because the comfort and love you feel is contagious. The moment I got off the plane in Brisbane, everyone was welcoming and kind.

“Welcome to Brisbane!”

“How are you? Do you need assistance?”

“Where are you headed?”


I responded very overwhelmed because I don’t remember the last time, someone has asked me how I was, let alone if I needed help. I was in love automatically, and I hadn’t even left the airport yet.

While driving home, seeing the green brought a smile to my face. Australia is  beautiful and green, living in L.A you forget the beauty of greenery and how meditative and calm it makes you feel. The beauty of quiet, no cars honking, and bouncing kangaroos is heaven..heaven.

Australia is in the end of winter but the weather has been beyond gorgeous, I sit outside on a daily basis, and feel comfortable and at home, embracing sounds of nature and birds, while reading/writing posts such as this one. The first time I have felt a home in a very long time, but I am also being very well taken care of.

Jarryd’s Family is Lovely. I use the world lovely because they are the perfect type of medicine of family, when you haven’t been a part of one for a long time. Donna Gorman is the warmest woman on the planet, Isaiah can’t help but chat to her when he instantly is placed on her lap because her love is contagious and welcoming. She cooks the best meals, touches in endearing conversations, sings, and loves….it’s been a long time being in the company of a beautiful soul, woman and mother.

Paul Gorman is Hilarious. Like Father Like Son. He brings a charisma and energy that is very enduring and Isaiah gives his best smiles to him. I have never had a father figure in my life, but this man’s love for his children is admirable and I love when he walks outside every time we leave the house and sends us off. The love of being a parent.

I have spent time with Natalia, Jarryd’s sister who is kind and peaceful, she also has to be one of the most classically beautiful women I have seen, her personality also brings out her beauty and patience. I am looking forward to meeting Katherine, (Jarryd’s other sister) and her family this weekend :0

Australia is Family. I am sure the experiance may be different for everyone when they travel but for me, that is what Australia is. I believe everyone must travel in hopes of new information, awareness, soulsearching, etc. I am in love with the beauty, the calmness, the kindness, and it reminds me to come back to my center. I have lived a very chaotic life I feel and Australia has given me exactly what I have been longing for…comfort and home.

From the Australian Zoo, Dinners, Barbeques, Wayward Pines Marathon, and More….I have been able to be in peace with myself but also with human beings that remind me of what family means. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I needed this. I needed to come to a safe place and reconnect.

If you are in a hard place and need to reconnect, I recommend finding a place that you believe will bring you some kind of joy and peace. Even if it means you have to save money to do so, sometimes we need to be thrown out of our element and return back to our center.

I am very blessed to be here, and I am trying to take in every moment, each day at a time.

I am here for a reason

I am here with my Isaiah for a reason

I am with these amazing human beings for a reason

Thank you Australia. I am forever grateful for this time you have brought to my life.






Australia Australia.

I have been having a difficult time figuring out how to express my new adventure in Australia. I haven’t been able to express my feelings, because I am still coming to terms with my life these last nine months. I have been on my own since I was 17 years old, basically became a mother to my entire family since a very young age, and always…and I mean always was in control. I was always in control of my feelings, my money, my everything. For the first time in my life, I have been out of control, out of control with my feelings, my money…everything…My peace comes from my son, because when I look into his eyes I see true, unconditional love, no one can take anything from those moments with him.

I have this awareness that I am homeless back in L.A, not making any money, a car that I can’t afford and have a son that I need to care for. I believe that everything happens for a reason regardless of how fucking terrified I am. Excuse my language, but that statement is how I feel, and often what my nightmares consist of….Fear. Fear is such a crazy feeling…at times you don’t know where to place it. I have been afraid for the last couple months in my own skin, in my relationship, and in my future. But if you don’t have fear I don’t believe you have lived, sometimes you need a kick in the stomach to make sure you are alive.

I think of my research on the Congo, and how the women just SURVIVE. They live in fear with every moment of every day. Women carry babies by rapists, have their babies, and act like it has never happened with a smile on their face. They love those children and continue each day with peace and forgiveness. How can they do that? I wish I knew, because I feel selfish in my own emotions sometimes and then I realize that my story is my story and it is coming to terms with peace within myself.

I remember when I was young, my mom used to tell me I was “special.”

I never understood why she would say that. I heard that a couple more times in my life and one day I looked in the mirror, and I saw why.

I took care of everyone unconditionally every moment of every day…that was my gift. My gift was to put myself before everyone, even if that meant sacrificing my own happiness for someone else. Yes, I am very grateful to be that person because that is who I am, but also has brought pain and unhappiness to my life, especially within this last year.

I would find it hard to see the good in myself anymore. Sometimes life gets you low, that you forget what love is. I remember being light, happy, giving, and then fear happened. Fear left me in a place that the special I used to see in myself had been removed. I had removed myself, because my whole life I had been a caretaker to everyone and I was done. I was done….and then I found out I was pregnant. The gift I had wanted for such a long time and the only thing that truly mattered to me, I was done caring for anything but myself.

The universe wouldn’t let me care for myself because that isn’t who I am. I am not that person that selfishly lives each day caring about them, but I did need to learn about boundaries. I am the absolute worst with boundaries because I have none. I laugh, because I don’t and working through it everyday. I sometimes feel mean and harsh, but I realize how important to love yourself is, and now raising my son, I need to come to terms with those emotions.

We all go through this.

We all go through a fear of not being enough. We all go through a fear that relationships won’t survive. We all go through fear that what is the point of it all? I have the answer…

Isaiah’s smile when he see shadow puppets.

That moment. That moment is what makes my life SPECIAL. That moment is what makes my ego and fear disappear every time. His smile is a reminder that I brought a life into this world. A world that regardless of how I may feel at times has brought me joy, love, and my soul mate. It’s as simple as that…shadow puppets.

I feel I touch on fear often because I believe as a human race, we are driven by it. I know I am.

I have no regrets, just awareness. I urge all of you tonight to look in the mirror and say something good to yourself. Hell, all week, go speak to yourself and share your fears, trust me that honesty with yourself will bring you joy and peace. If you have children, go look into theirIMG_20150803_133324 eyes and share with them why they are special to you. If you have a animal that is like your child, I encourage you to do the same. Sometimes life is hard, but know you are not alone, just remind yourself that you are SPECIAL.

I promise a Australia FOR REAL post coming this week.

I needed to share this first.

You are Special

Love and Light,



As I sit in the backyard of my friend Julia’s home, I have tears rolling down my face at the thought tomorrow is my birthday. Usually I let the years go by without a thought, but this year….this year…the universe was like “Girl, you ready? We are going to give you Life, in so many different, indescribable ways.”

I am listening to the birds chirp, my beautiful pup Maya Badu look up at me with her beautiful eyes, and my baby bub is sleeping peacefully in the other room and all I can think is….. What Happened?

I stop crying and laugh because it all seems so absurd. I left a heartwrenching relationship, met my soulmate, and received a miracle baby that I am still in shock about, more because he sleeps…through the night. What baby does that?

But what really happened this year.

I became OPEN..What does that mean Abby?

I mean that my senses were no longer hidden. Every smell, every sound, every feeling was living on me. Every thought, word,  action, was apparent, dancing on my skin in ways I have never experienced. For the first time I became selfish, brave, honest with the woman I am, the woman I was,  and the woman I want to become.

When I directed my play “Senses” I stated in the program… “Life has the ability to take you on a ride”….

The ride I have been on,  has not only been raw but a true awakening. On the eve of my birthday, for the first time I am living in my emotions and letting them be.

Sometimes you just have to let yourself be. Whatever those emotions are, and don’t let anyone take that away from you. Sometimes Being allows questions to be answered in ways you didn’t know possible. Just being for the last thirty minutes has allowed me to say to myself,

“Abby I am proud of you. You went through LIFE this year embodied with pain and still are able to hold your head high and continue your journey. You gave birth to a LIFE this year, you are a mother, the only thing you have ever wanted. Abby, you are a gift… Never forget it.”

My tears aren’t sad

My tears are the truest happiness

My tears are for Me

My tears are for my Son

My tears are for Everyone I love and love Me.

My tears are for me…Being.

I leave you with this, while quoting my favorite artist in the universe, Maya Angelou. When you allow yourself to be…this quote happens. 20150713_160219

“I love when a young girl takes life by the lapels, life’s a bitch, you must go out and kick ass.”

Happy Birthday All My Fellow Cancers

Just Be.


the pursuit of happyness

The Pursuit of Happyness has been on Showtime the last couple days and I watch everytime. You know when you watch a movie and you respond in a way like you have never seen the movie before?  Well I have seen it four times this week and sob like a baby in the last scene and always say to myself “Abby, get it together,  you have seen this already.”

For those who haven’t seen the movie, I won’t ruin it for you but Will Smith plays a father trying to survive with his son when the mother abandons them. The movie is about survival and the last scene is about his world coming to life.

Living in Los Angeles for ten years, you begin to realize what it is to survive. All we want is to be successful in a industry that is almost impossible, while we slave away at our waitressing, bartending, and nanny jobs.


I often asked myself that question. I slaved away in jobs I hated for what? It took me years to realize that I wasn’t Happy. I thought I was. I thought the struggle was what happiness was, and whoa did I learn that is not true.

I finally booked a couple jobs last year after ten years of struggling and I was like: YES. YES. This is it. Happiness. I again proved myself wrong, that wasn’t true….far from it.

On set, I was unhappy that every five seconds I was asked if I needed a robe in 105 degree heat, sparkling water, or the fact my trailer was the size of my apartment. Now, I understand how this can be seen as happiness, and if this does make you happy, then you own it, it’s yours… It just wasn’t for me. I realized my happiness was connected to something else, and 15,000 dollars later….AWAKE blossomed. I wouldn’t take away that money, the experience, and the joy because it what I was put on this planet to do, to give. I left my agent and manager because I wasn’t happy. I was ready and I owed it to myself to find what that was.

AWAKE was/is my Happiness.

Mentoring, Public Speaking, giving women a home to explore themselves through art is what I realized gives me joy. What brings you joy?

What is happiness?




I don’t know. It is different for everyone. What I have learned is happiness is what makes your world worth living. An amazing job, family, being broke but accomplishing greatness knowing your time will come. Happiness is what you must seek to find and not be afraid…

don’t be afraid of walking away..

don’t be afraid of taking risks…

don’t be afraid of falling in love..

don’t be afraid of your insecurities and fears…this one is my favorite.

Happiness is the closing scene with Will Smith crying down the street as his struggle and pain had come to a end and life/success had only begun.

Happiness is looking in the eyes of my son knowing that I will raise not only an exceptional man, but an exceptional human being.


You deserve it.

Go get IT. 2015-07-08 18.22.03

Love and Light,


My Awakening

received_10207079413162458Today is July 5, 2015.

I have just finished staring at my son for 20minutes because that is what you do when you have a baby, you stare and cry with true love. I was holding his little hands,  deep in thought of how I was going to express my story. What story you ask? The story of my life, the past 3months, the story that has been brewing,  struggling, and more this past year. This past year has been a year of depression,  anxiety,  and needing to find strength because I had been lacking a purpose…and then.

I look over to my son and the curve of his mouth is smiling with both hands by his ears because that is his signature position. Precious. I get the strength. The strength to share my story as truthfully as I can. Now please know my hesitance of sharing my story to begin with is due to the social media scrutiny we live in, so I ask one thing….one thing only. If you don’t have something nice to say,  don’t say anything at all. When you become a mother it is amazing how nothing else matters including the trolls of the internet that sit in their misery while judging the lives of those they don’t even know. I ask and beg you, if you have the urge to say something mean look in the mirror and ask: Who am I?

We all are sacred. Our life story is sacred, and we as a human race must respect, love, support, and cherish ones truth. The reality is,  no one really knows what one goes through and the impact of words and actions can damage/elevate another humans life. One of the lessons I learned by sharing the “cryptic” pregnancy”, which sounds so damn creepy and weird is that people made judgements of the woman I am,  the life I lived, and it broke me. I was already broken, and one of my biggest regrets was allowing myself to let evil in, because Isaiah is nothing but good and pure and this is our story.

April 19, 2015, was the day I found out I was pregnant. My Love and I were at Coachella and he placed his hands on my stomach as movement circulated with the bass of the festival. At that moment, we knew. Now being pregnant is one thing, but finding out you are 8mo pregnant is another.

4/5 mo tops…. At this time I was barely showing, and I had left a nutritionist a few months prior as she told me I was lactose intolerant. Well….. Thank God that isn’t true,  because I love cheese.

Periods? Now. Women, we all know our bodies are different. I had been diagnosed with a hormonal imbalance at a young age, which resulted in me taking shots til I was 13years old. The hormonal injections, plus birth controls, etc, left me having irregular cycles basically my entire life, not having  a cycle for 6mo to a year was not uncommon for me.

So… All that being said.. leaving Coachella,that following Tuesday,  I laid on that ultrasound table as the doctor told me I was 32 weeks and 4 days.

I’m sorry.. What? What?

I wish a camera had been on my face because it must have been classic. I was going to be giving birth in less than 2months. All I could think of was I am not making enough money?  My car payment?  How am I going to tell my mom, who I hadn’t spoken to for years? And then the doctor said,

“do you want to know what you are having?”

A boy. In that moment. I was the happiest I had ever been.

To save you all a 20 page blog post I learned five important things.


I have never understood the power of having expectations and the ability they have to make you question everything. I was so angry by the lack of support from people I thought would always have my back, and lonely.. I felt very much alone. Nights of crying myself to sleep because I had always been there for everyone and no one was there for me. I had always been on my own and always helped everyone around me, even if that meant sacrificing myself and then a light bulb went off. Don’t do anything for the expectation of what could be, because everyone is going through something… Everyone. We are all doing the best we can to survive our day to day lives and can give and love the best we can. Such a hard lesson to learn, because I love extra hard and extra deep, so stepping out of myself was difficult. Once I was able to step out of myself, I realized that I am a mother now and my energy goes into my son and only my son, don’t let expectations distract you from what is important…step up,  stop crying, and do what millions of women do everyday be a mother and survive.


I work every day to cherish this concept. But as Maya Angelou says “Love Liberates”. I had to forgive myself. I had to forgive many people around me. I just had to forgive. The power of forgiveness is what I believe has been my heaven these last couple months. Hate in your heart is not worth moving forward and love….love is heaven on earth and allowing yourself to forgive will open a place in your heart for endless success and possibilities. My Isaiah is my heaven and I remember apologizing endlessly for not knowing I was pregnant,  not being prepared, and looking down at his face I was able to forgive myself. Today I hold him and accept that what has happened is my journey and who cares what people think or feel because I am enriched with one hell of a story. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a powerful Light.

Women Power

I am going to keep this part brief because the women in my life deserve their own post. I am blessed. Blessed with the most gorgeous, powerful women, that have taken care of me. Thank you. Thank you for helping me through the storm. The power we have to nurture and support,  I didn’t know how truly Lucky I was, until now. I am forever grateful, you know who you are.

Moving On

I was sent two angels last year.

Jarryd Gorman was put on this planet for me. For years I have suffered in my relationships, giving my entire being to souls that didn’t deserve my Love. Then a gorgeous, intelligent man came into my life that not only changed they way I see the world but the men. I am not going to lie, I have been having a hard time believing the Love he has for me because when you have been hurt, you stop believing. Don’t stop Believing. I was sent an angel, and because of him I am able to move forward in a life I deserve…I DESERVE. We all deserve love, loyalty, and stability and I am forever grateful and in love. Thank you Baby Jesus for sending me my SoulMate.

Move On. Don’t let anyone and I mean ANYONE take your power because the Light at the end of the tunnel is so bright and true. I never thought after a year of quitting my job,  falling into debt, having evenings where I couldn’t afford food that I would be on a plane to Australia preparing for my next step. The next step in my journey, that is beautiful and bright and more than I could ever dream.


We all have a life purpose

Don’t let fear, hate, debt, whatever it may be, take away your power.


Love and Light,



Hello My AWAKE Loves,

I have missed all of you so very much. Abby here, and I am very excited to announce while AWAKE is reforming I will be diligently blogging my adventures with my son,  Isaiah in the return of AWAKE coming back to life.

The last 4months have been life changing, heartbreaking, exhilarating, and more. The struggles to find your footing when the universe gives you a kick in the butt is no joke, but it gave me the greatest gift, I am a mom. A mom to a human that will leave a imprint on the world. I am telling you two weeks in,  my heart had never been so full, I have never felt so much love and patience. I am grateful for this crazy journey which I will be sharing with you.

AWAKE will be back…. I am going to be taking you on a journey of truth,  happiness, music, and more. Hold on to your seatbelts, as we go on a beautiful ride.


Abby and Isaiah

My AWAKE Isaiah Wake Gorman
Isaiah Wake Gorman

No Joke, We’ve Gotta Show Tomorrow

IMG_Awake Movement_Abby Wake

Happy April Fools Day–but this is no joke: Our next show is tomorrow, April 2nd!

Here’s what you awakened beauties need to know:

Where: The Raven Playhouse – 5233 Lankershim Blvd., North Hollywood, CA 91601 – Parking on adjacent streets

When: Doors open at 7:30 pm // Show begins at 8:00 pm

What: Music, poetry, comedy, dance, female artists. Wine and beer also for purchase. An informal setting. Come when you can, participate, feel into the performances, share in the experience.

How Much: $5. Bring extra cash for raffles + drinks

Who: The artists are as follows. You can read more about them by finding them on our Meet the Artists page here–our artist list has grown so much over the past few months, and we are working on a better way to make their bios accessible to you. Hang tight for those improvements. For now, they are simply listed alphabetically by last name.

Ava Bird

Smaranda Luna

Nina Daniels

Brianna Murphy

Jamie Lawrence

Rukiya Ashanti

Nicole Mae ViZconde Martin

We’ll be sure to light some candles, ice some beers, and see you there.

Be awake.

Image courtesy of Latoya Hawthorne.