As I sit in the backyard of my friend Julia’s home, I have tears rolling down my face at the thought tomorrow is my birthday. Usually I let the years go by without a thought, but this year….this year…the universe was like “Girl, you ready? We are going to give you Life, in so many different, indescribable ways.”
I am listening to the birds chirp, my beautiful pup Maya Badu look up at me with her beautiful eyes, and my baby bub is sleeping peacefully in the other room and all I can think is….. What Happened?
I stop crying and laugh because it all seems so absurd. I left a heartwrenching relationship, met my soulmate, and received a miracle baby that I am still in shock about, more because he sleeps…through the night. What baby does that?
But what really happened this year.
I became OPEN..What does that mean Abby?
I mean that my senses were no longer hidden. Every smell, every sound, every feeling was living on me. Every thought, word, action, was apparent, dancing on my skin in ways I have never experienced. For the first time I became selfish, brave, honest with the woman I am, the woman I was, and the woman I want to become.
When I directed my play “Senses” I stated in the program… “Life has the ability to take you on a ride”….
The ride I have been on, has not only been raw but a true awakening. On the eve of my birthday, for the first time I am living in my emotions and letting them be.
Sometimes you just have to let yourself be. Whatever those emotions are, and don’t let anyone take that away from you. Sometimes Being allows questions to be answered in ways you didn’t know possible. Just being for the last thirty minutes has allowed me to say to myself,
“Abby I am proud of you. You went through LIFE this year embodied with pain and still are able to hold your head high and continue your journey. You gave birth to a LIFE this year, you are a mother, the only thing you have ever wanted. Abby, you are a gift… Never forget it.”
My tears aren’t sad
My tears are the truest happiness
My tears are for Me
My tears are for my Son
My tears are for Everyone I love and love Me.
My tears are for me…Being.
“I love when a young girl takes life by the lapels, life’s a bitch, you must go out and kick ass.”
Happy Birthday All My Fellow Cancers