the pursuit of happyness

The Pursuit of Happyness has been on Showtime the last couple days and I watch everytime. You know when you watch a movie and you respond in a way like you have never seen the movie before?  Well I have seen it four times this week and sob like a baby in the last scene and always say to myself “Abby, get it together,  you have seen this already.”

For those who haven’t seen the movie, I won’t ruin it for you but Will Smith plays a father trying to survive with his son when the mother abandons them. The movie is about survival and the last scene is about his world coming to life.

Living in Los Angeles for ten years, you begin to realize what it is to survive. All we want is to be successful in a industry that is almost impossible, while we slave away at our waitressing, bartending, and nanny jobs.


I often asked myself that question. I slaved away in jobs I hated for what? It took me years to realize that I wasn’t Happy. I thought I was. I thought the struggle was what happiness was, and whoa did I learn that is not true.

I finally booked a couple jobs last year after ten years of struggling and I was like: YES. YES. This is it. Happiness. I again proved myself wrong, that wasn’t true….far from it.

On set, I was unhappy that every five seconds I was asked if I needed a robe in 105 degree heat, sparkling water, or the fact my trailer was the size of my apartment. Now, I understand how this can be seen as happiness, and if this does make you happy, then you own it, it’s yours… It just wasn’t for me. I realized my happiness was connected to something else, and 15,000 dollars later….AWAKE blossomed. I wouldn’t take away that money, the experience, and the joy because it what I was put on this planet to do, to give. I left my agent and manager because I wasn’t happy. I was ready and I owed it to myself to find what that was.

AWAKE was/is my Happiness.

Mentoring, Public Speaking, giving women a home to explore themselves through art is what I realized gives me joy. What brings you joy?

What is happiness?




I don’t know. It is different for everyone. What I have learned is happiness is what makes your world worth living. An amazing job, family, being broke but accomplishing greatness knowing your time will come. Happiness is what you must seek to find and not be afraid…

don’t be afraid of walking away..

don’t be afraid of taking risks…

don’t be afraid of falling in love..

don’t be afraid of your insecurities and fears…this one is my favorite.

Happiness is the closing scene with Will Smith crying down the street as his struggle and pain had come to a end and life/success had only begun.

Happiness is looking in the eyes of my son knowing that I will raise not only an exceptional man, but an exceptional human being.


You deserve it.

Go get IT. 2015-07-08 18.22.03

Love and Light,



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